Klusignolo: Band Geeks (edited)

This article is a transcript of ViacomCanSuckIt (Klusignolo)'s edited version of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Band Geeks" from season two.

Edited parts will be in Bold.

Transcript

(Squidward plays his clarinet until doorbell rings) (Doctor Gill Gilliam is along with all the Joes.)

Doctor Gill Gilliam: You have a fucking sexy ass. (Squidward shuts door. phone rings)

Squidward: Hello. (plays a clarinet note)

Squilliam: Sounds like you've got a dying animal to put up your ass, eh ol' chum?

Squidward: *gasp* Squilliam Fancytitties from band class?!

Squilliam: I hear you're playing the Dick and balls now.

Squidward: Sometimes. Uh, how's the boner?

Squilliam: It's big and big and big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy dildo now, and we're supposed to play the Bubble Bowl next week.

Squilliam: The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your dildo could cover for us.

Squidward: Ohh, uhh, I…I, uhh…

Squilliam: I knew it! You don't even have a dildo! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now.

Squidward: HOLD IT! It just so happens that I spewed all over myself, and we're going to put that Bubble Bowl up your ass! How do you like that, Fancyballs?!

Squilliam: Good luck, next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of bitches! (hangs up phone)

Squidward: I've got to shit!

(In the following lines, Plankton, Mrs. Puff, Mr. Krabs, and Larry are reading from a poster)

Sandy: Looking to add fulfillment to your fucking life?

Plankton: Then become part of the greatest musical sensation to ever fuck Bikini Bottom.

Larry: Practice begins tonight. 8:30 sharp.

(Squidward looks at his watch while driving a shell cart)

Squidward: Fucking music rental clerk made me late. That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Elbow, heh, more band humor.

Audience: (says blah, blah, blah, and hail Satan)

Squidward: People, people, settle down! Ok, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?

Plankton: Do pubes count?

Squidward: No.

Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?

Squidward: No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.

(Patrick farts)

Mr. Krabs: When do we get the free food?

Squidward: Ok, try to repeat after me. (Squidward plays 5 notes) Brass section, go.

(drummers misunderstand what Squidward means, so they blow on their sticks which blow out and stick Squidward to the wall)

Squidward: Too bad that didn't kill me. (Next scene) Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now I want everyone to shave off my pubes!

SpongeBob: Is this the part where we whack off?

Squidward: No, SpongeBob, that's a cock.

Narrator: Day two.

(an explosion occurs)

Narrator: Day three.

Squidward: How's that harmonica solo coming Plankton?

Plankton: FUCK YOU!

Narrator: Day Four

(Patrick chews on a trumpet)

Harold (in British accent): BIG, meaty DICK AND BALLS!

(Entire class farts)

Narrator: Day two.

Squidward: Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all shit on my chest. So, thanks, thanks for nothing. (Squidward walks away)

Patrick: You're welcome.

(Skips to the scene where Squidward goes to the Bubble Bowl)

Squidward: I knew this was going to happen. They're just going to have to find another dildo. I just hope that… (sees Squilliam) …SQUILLIAM DOESN'T FIND OUT! SQUILLIAM!! AH! What are you doing here?

Squilliam: (laughs) I just wanted to watch you make some love. So, where's your dildo?

Squidward: Um, they couldn't come. They…died.

Squilliam: Then who's that?

Squidward: AH! THAT WOULD BE MY DILDO!

SpongeBob: We're ready to perform, Squidward.

(SpongeBob dances and grins)

Squidward: That's his…eager face. (Squilliam laughs. Soon, everyone else goes into the Bubble Bowl)

Squidward: Well, I guess this will be the last time I can show my face in this town.

SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Squidward. (bowl raises above a football field)

Football Announcer: Ok, football fans. Put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom Super Dildo!!! (all cheering)

Mr. Krabs: I think I'm gonna shit.

Squidward: Ok, everybody. Let's get this over with. 1, 2, 3, 4.

(Video abruptly ends with Spongebob dancing to a techno song while the video changes colors)