Klusignolo: Band Geeks (edited)

This article is a transcript of ViacomCanSuckIt (Klusignolo)'s edited version of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Band Geeks" from season two.

Edited parts will be in Bold.

• (Squidward plays his clarinet until doorbell rings) (Doctor Gill Gilliam is along with all the Joes.)
• Doctor Gill Gilliam: You have a fucking sexy ass. (Squidward shuts door. phone rings)
• Squidward: Hello. (plays a clarinet note)
• Squilliam: Sounds like you've got a dying animal to put up your ass, eh ol' chum?
• Squidward: *gasp* Squilliam Fancytitties from band class?!
• Squilliam: I hear you're playing the Dick and balls now.
• Squidward: Sometimes. Uh, how's the boner?
• Squilliam: It's big and big and big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy dildo now, and we're supposed to play the Bubble Bowl next week.
• Squilliam: The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your dildo could cover for us.
• Squidward: Ohh, uhh, I…I, uhh…
• Squilliam: I knew it! You don't even have a dildo! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now.
• Squidward: HOLD IT! It just so happens that I spewed all over myself, and we're going to put that Bubble Bowl up your ass! How do you like that, Fancyballs?!
• Squilliam: Good luck, next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of bitches! (hangs up phone)
• Squidward: I've got to shit!
• (In the following lines, Plankton, Mrs. Puff, Mr. Krabs, and Larry are reading from a poster)
• Sandy: Looking to add fulfillment to your fucking life?
• Plankton: Then become part of the greatest musical sensation to ever fuck Bikini Bottom.
• Larry: Practice begins tonight. 8:30 sharp.
• (Squidward looks at his watch while driving a shell cart)
• Squidward: fucking music rental clerk made me late. That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Elbow, heh, more band humor.
• Audience: (says blah, blah, blah, and hail Satan)
• Squidward: People, people, settle down! Ok, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?
• Plankton: Do pubes count?
• Squidward: No.
• Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
• Squidward: No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.
• (Patrick farts)
• Mr. Krabs: When do we get the free food?
• Squidward: Ok, try to repeat after me. (Squidward plays 5 notes) Brass section, go.
• (drummers misunderstand what Squidward means, so they blow on their sticks which blow out and stick Squidward to the wall)
• Squidward: Too bad that didn't kill me. (Next scene) Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now I want everyone to shave off my pubes!
• SpongeBob: Is this the part where we whack off?

Squidward: No, SpongeBob, that's a cock.

• Narrator: Day two.
• (an explosion occurs)
• Narrator: Day three.
• Squidward: How's that harmonica solo coming Plankton?
• Plankton: FUCK YOU!
• Narrator: Day Four
• (Patrick chews on a trumpet)
• Harold (in British accent): BIG, meaty DICK AND BALLS!
• (Entire class farts)
• Narrator: Day two.
• Squidward: Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all shit on my chest. So, thanks, thanks for nothing. (Squidward walks away)
• Patrick: You're welcome.
• (Skips to the scene where Squidward goes to the Bubble Bowl)
• Squidward: I knew this was going to happen. They're just going to have to find another dildo. I just hope that… (sees Squilliam) …SQUILLIAM DOESN'T FIND OUT! SQUILLIAM!! AH! What are you doing here?
• Squilliam: (laughs) I just wanted to watch you make some love. So, where's your dildo?
• Squidward: Um, they couldn't come. They…died.
• Squilliam: Then who's that?
• Squidward: AH! THAT WOULD BE MY DILDO!
• SpongeBob: We're ready to perform, Squidward.
• (SpongeBob dances)
• Squidward: That's his…eager face. (Squilliam laughs. They all go into the Bubble Bowl)
• Squidward: Well, I guess this will be the last time I can show my face in this town.
• SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Squidward. (bowl raises above a football field)
• Football Announcer: Ok, football fans. Put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom Super Dildo!!! (all cheering)
• Mr. Krabs: I think I'm gonna shit.
• Squidward: Ok, everybody. Let's get this over with. 1, 2, 3, 4.
• (Video abruptly ends with Spongebob dancing to a techno song while the video changes colors)