Does a Drill Sargeant Make a Terrible Therapist? (Edited)

Transcript 1
McGlone: Could switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on bullshit? Does a gay bald-headed son of a bitch make a terrible therapist?

Guy on the Chair: And that's why jacking off makes me sad, I think.

R. Lee Ermey: That's interesting. You know what makes me so horny? You do! Maybe we should chug on over to a gay strip club where maybe we could find some viagra for you and fuck my ass, you jack ass! (hands out a tissue box) Tampon? (throws a tissue box at him) '''Fuck you! Pussy.'''

Guy Voice: Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more.

Sound Clips from Transcript 1

 * 1) Bullshit: Tenacious D - Rock Your Socks
 * Gay: Steve Vai - Fuck Yourself
 * 1) Bald Headed Son of a Bitch: The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
 * 2) Jacking Off: Eddie Griffin: Freedom of Speech (Jacking Off)
 * 3) So Horny: Nirvana - Lithium
 * A: To Catch a Predator
 * Gay: The Holland Boys - I'm Gay
 * 1) Strip Club: Kutt Calhoun - Strip Club Song
 * 2) Viagra: I Don't Know what that is!
 * And: Tenacious D - Double Team
 * 1) Fuck my Ass: Tenacious D - Drive-Thru
 * Ass: Tenacious D - Drive-Thru
 * 1) Tampon: A Bathroom Product
 * 2) Fuck you!: Tenacious D - Inward Singing
 * 3) Pussy!: Afroman - Crazy Rap

Transcript 2
McGlone: Could masturbating to Gayco really rape you up your fucking vagina? Does a horny rapist make a sexy whore?

Guy on the Chair: And that's why pussy makes me want to rape children.

R. Lee Ermey: That's retarded. You know what makes me horny? You do! Maybe we should chug on over to the Motherfucker's Strip Club where maybe we can find a pig for you to fuck, you fucking faggot! (hands out a tissue box) You want it? (throws a tissue box at him) '''Psych! Go fuck yourself!'''

Guy Voice: Gayco. 15 minutes could rape you up your asshole.

Sound Clips from Transcript 2

 * 1) Masturbating: makemebad35 - Pissed Off Gamer
 * Gay: South Park, episode "The Ungroundable"
 * 1) Rape you: Fred Phelps
 * 2) Up your: Tenacious D - Drive-Thru
 * 3) Fucking: Tenacious D - Inward Singing
 * 4) Vagina: Jon Lajoie - Show Me Your Genitals 2: E = MC Vagina
 * 5) Horny: To Catch a Predator
 * 6) Rapist: Whitest Kids U'Know "Grapist" skit
 * 7) Sexy: Tenacious D - Double Team
 * 8) Whore: Panic! at the Disco - I Write Sins, Not Tragedies
 * 9) Pussy: Lil Wil - Bust It Open
 * 10) Wanna rape: Kenny vs. Spenny, episode "Who Can Commit the Most Crime?
 * 11) Children: South Park, episode "Le Petit Tourette"
 * 12) Retarded: rbelluso - Shamwow Dub Parody: Scamnow
 * 13) Horny: Beavis and Butthead, episode "Vaya Con Cornholio" (simply known as bunghole)
 * 14) To the motherfuckin' strip club: Kutt Calhoun - Strip Club Song
 * 15) A pig to fuck: Freddy vs. Jason (Jason kills Shack scene)
 * 16) Fucking: Tenacious D - Inward Singing
 * 17) Faggot: derrickcomedy - National Spelling Bee
 * 18) Crying: greenday12688 - Grandma's Kisses Dub
 * 19) You want it? Link: The Faces of Evil (Morshu cutscene)
 * 20) PSYCHE!: Supa Hot Fire - The Rap Battle
 * 21) Go fuck yourself: Curb Your Enthusiasm
 * Gay: South Park, episode "The Ungroundable" (again)
 * 1) Rape you: Fred Phelps (again)
 * 2) Up your: Tenacious D - Drive-Thru (again)
 * 3) Asshole: Epic Rap Battles of History - Hulk Hogan & Macho Man Randy Savage vs. Kim Jong-il

Trivia
In the second video, the company's name is changed to Gayco.