Suds

Transcript

 * [The episode opens with SpongeBob having a dream at night about raining Krabby Patties while he is standing on a giant one]
 * SpongeBob: It's raining Western Bacon Cheeseburgers! YEAH!
 * [Scene cuts to a black bar while SpongeBob is making eating noises, until he wakes up in the middle of the night, realizing he is sucking and chewing on his pillow]
 * SpongeBob: What's the hells?
 * [He spits out his pillow and his stomach growls]
 * SpongeBob: A quick Filet-o-Chicken McNuggets Sandwich and then it's back to bed.
 * [SpongeBob kicks his pillow off his bed]
 * Ough...
 * Gary: [sleeping and snoring] Meow... Meow...
 * SpongeBob: Awww... [tiptoes] Please, don't, wake up.
 * [SpongeBob attempts to tiptoe down the stairs, but then just slides down and enters the kitchen]
 * SpongeBob: [looks in his fridge and grabs out a jar of peanut butter] Fuck yeah, dude.
 * [He is now sitting at his kitchen table as he prepares a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk]
 * SpongeBob: Nothing like a seamen butter and jellyfish urine sandwich to help you get to sleep.
 * [Takes a bite out of his sandwich and then falls to sleep]
 * DIE
 * [The refrigerator is left open and freezes the entire house overnight. The next morning arrives and the rooms inside his house are shown frozen. His alarm clock then goes off]
 * Alarm clock: GET THE FUCK UP!
 * [SpongeBob is shown frozen in the kitchen until he breaks out of the ice and grunts.]
 * SpongeBob: God damnit. [he then slips over the frozen floor and lands on the fridge, closing the door] Shhhiiiiitttt, I'm freezing! [he slips again and finds himself sliding through various rooms in his house] God damnit, WHOA, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. [he lands on his bed and slips on his blanket] Shit. [he then unsticks his nose from the blanket and attempts to grab his blanket as he shivers] It's coooooold... [the blanket breaks like shards of glass as he attempts to lift it up]
 * No.
 * Gary: I'm hungry.
 * SpongeBob: [slides into the bathroom] Oh, Gary, I feel like a piece of shit.
 * Gary: You look like you have AIDS.
 * SpongeBob: Don't be stupid, Gary. I don't get AIDS. I get the sex rash.
 * Gary: Mmkay.
 * SpongeBob: No Gary, if I had syphilis, I'd have dog semen coming out of my ass.
 * [SpongeBob then sneezes as pink bubbles come out of his pores and he grunts like Kenny]
 * SpongeBob: Ewwwugh...
 * Gary: Well, there you go.
 * SpongeBob: I can't get STDs, because then I'll have to miss anal sex.
 * [He then covers his face with his underwear as he sneezes again and farts]
 * Gary: '''Did you just crap your pants?
 * SpongeBob: No Gary, I like wearing my pantaloons like this.
 * [He is then shown from his backside as his butt cheeks pop like bubbles]
 * Butt... [pop] Cheeks... [pop]
 * Gary: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: Shut the fuck up, I'm going to fuck.
 * [Scene changes to the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is trying hard not to sneeze on the grill as he covers his face with his employee hat, and sneezes anyway]
 * Ahhh....
 * [Mr. Krabs comes into the kitchen]
 * Mr. Krabs: Yo, bitch! What's holding up your cock?
 * SpongeBob: [gibberish] Abba cobanji is a bu-bu-buh-buh-buh same.
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what the fuck is going on? You're paler than a bag of crack. [Gary pops out of nowhere]
 * Gary: He's got herpes! [leaves]
 * Mr. Krabs: No fuckin' way!
 * SpongeBob: (sniffles) Here's that baked potato you wanted, Mr. Tits, sir. [tries not to sneeze, but sneezes anyway]
 * Ah! What?! Ah! Yeah!
 * Mr. Krabs: [wipes the patty off his face] Alright, SpongeBob, you're too sick to fuck.
 * SpongeBob: You son of a bitch! Go fuck yourself!
 * Mr. Krabs: No, gonna take all day, and get some head. Nothing personal lad, just can't have you shooting hot sperm all over my food.
 * ???: What?
 * ???: That's gross! [the costumers spit their food out after overhearing Mr. Krabs and begin to panic]
 * ???: Holy shit!
 * ???: Oh my God!
 * ???: Fuck you!
 * ???: I'm outta here!
 * ???: Donkey anus!
 * ???: ALLAHU-AKBAR!
 * [Everyone runs out]
 * Everyone: HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
 * Mr. Krabs: No, wait! Wait! [the costumers scramble out of the Krusty Krab. Back to Spongebob's house, he is seen in his chair]
 * SpongeBob: Oh, fuck me. I feel like shit. [SpongeBob sneezes some pink bubbles, Gary hides inside his pink shell which is covered with the suds]
 * Gary: You fucking dick!
 * SpongeBob: Oh, who am I shitting, Gary? I've got Krabs, no doubt about it. [SpongeBob sneezes some more pink bubbles]
 * AHHH!
 * SpongeBob: I'd better take care of this before it gets out of hand.
 * [Sandy's house]
 * Ringtone.... Ringtone...
 * Sandy: Hellooo?
 * SpongeBob: Sandy, I'm sick. Could you escort me to the dick doctors?
 * Sandy: Oh, sure SpongeBob. I'll be over there faster than a baredick jackass on a hot greasy pussy in the middle of Augus-
 * SpongeBob: Sandy, shut the fuck up.
 * [SpongeBob sneezes pink bubbles through the phone]
 * Damn.
 * [SpongeBob is dressed in winter apparel for the doctor's visit. He then hears his doorbell ring and opens it]
 * Here she is.
 * [It's Patrick]
 * Patrick: Trick or treat! What's happening?
 * SpongeBob: I'm sick, Patrick. I'm going to the cock doctor.
 * Patrick: What? Oh you can't go!
 * SpongeBob: Why not Patrick?
 * Patrick: I knew a whore who blew a pedophile who touched penises with a nigga lovin' Jew boy who went to the dick doctor once and, the cock doctor's office is a nasty fucked up place!
 * SpongeBob: It can't be as nasty as chlamydia.
 * Patrick: Oh, it is SpongeBob! First, they make you pull out all your pubic hair.
 * SpongeBob: Is that the fucked up part?
 * Patrick: No! It gets worse. They make you read gay porno mags.
 * SpongeBob: Holy shit!
 * Patrick: Then the cock doctor pulls out his big black cock and balls.
 * SpongeBob: Nooooo!
 * Patrick: Yeah. It's a donkey dick so sinister. So icy cold when it touches your bare ass crack it- [pokes him with the purple coral]
 * SpongeBob: [jumps out of his apparel and screams] AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! No, no! No penis! No cock doctor! No gay magazines! Oh noooo, it's too horrible! Patrick, I don't wanna go to the cock doctor.
 * Patrick: No, no you don't.
 * [SpongeBob sneezes again]
 * Bitch!
 * SpongeBob:  You gotta help my penis get better, Patrick. [sniffles]'' Please? Would you like to be my cock doctor, Patrick?
 * Patrick: Fuck yeah, baby.
 * [Cut to the kitchen. Patrick is dressed as a doctor while SpongeBob sits on his table and sneezes]
 * Fuckin'!
 * Patrick: It appears as though we'll have to plug up these holes...with my cock. We've got it. Feel better?
 * SpongeBob: I don't know.
 * [gulping sounds play]
 * Patrick: Shit! I'm shrinking! Oh no! I don't wanna die!
 * SpongeBob: No Cumshot, your bullshit is working!
 * Patrick: Really?
 * SpongeBob: Sure! At this rate I'll be having sex with cocks, cunts, and assholes in no time! In fact I'm gonna call Sandy and tell her pussy not to come. Thanks, my nigga.
 * Patrick: And they said I'd never fuck anyone hard enough.
 * [SpongeBob attempts to use the phone, but his fingers are too big for the buttons]
 * Fuck you!
 * SpongeBob: My penis is too big for the butthole. Doctor Dickface, could you call Sandy for me?
 * Patrick: No problem. Hello, Sandy?
 * Sandy: Whas' good, nigga?
 * Patrick: I'm calling on behalf of my nigger, SpongeBob.
 * Sandy: I'm on my way to take him to the doctors.
 * Patrick: Uh, that will no longer be required. He picked up his new medication, went home and masturbated for seven hours.
 * Sandy: Well I'm coming over there to take a look. I'll be there faster than a bare wiener jackass in the mid-
 * Patrick: Oh my God, shut your fucking mouth. Nobody cares.
 * [hangs up]
 * Patrick: Oh SpongeBob, quick! Sandy's coming on the floor. Wuh-we gotta make sure you're well, or she'll take you to the dick doctor. Don't touch me I'm masturbating.
 * Get ready
 * Diarrhea
 * [farts]
 * Patrick: Feeling better?
 * SpongeBob: No! Ow!
 * Patrick: Feeling better yet?
 * SpongeBob: I am in great pain. Please help me.
 * Patrick: How. About. [grunt] Now?
 * SpongeBob: No!
 * Patrick: Feeling better?
 * SpongeBob: No!
 * Fuck!
 * Patrick: How about now?
 * SpongeBob: No! Shit!
 * Patrick: How about now?
 * SpongeBob: No. AAAAAAH!!!


 * SpongeBob: I'm okay, Sandy. Really. [he inflates after he sneezes]
 * Sandy: I'm taking you to the cock doctor right fucking now!
 * Patrick: You'll be sorry for that, you son of a bitch! [he runs after SpongeBob and pushes him forward] You can't take him to the dick doctors!
 * Sandy: That's a fucking pile of bullshit! [she, along with Patrick, push SpongeBob until he squeezes into the air] Now look what you've done, you shit piece of shit!
 * Patrick: Oh, fuck you! Everything was fine until you spewed all over the fucking floor!
 * Sandy: You should be ashamed of yourself for impersonating a ding-dong doctor!
 * Patrick: I'm a good dick doctor. Right, SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob: Guys!
 * Patrick: What the fuck?
 * SpongeBob: Oh, shit! Fuck me! [he bounces while going down a hill]
 * Mr. Krabs: Sorry, dildos.
 * SpongeBob: Mr. Tits!
 * Mr. Krabs: What the fuck? GET THE FUCK OUT!!! Holy fucking shit! [SpongeBob stops bouncing in front of the Krusty Krab] Oh, thank God.
 * SpongeBob: Oh! Fucking! Shit... AAAAH-CHOOO!!! [SpongeBob's suds destroy the Krusty Krab]
 * Mr. Krabs: You fucking ass.

Sound Clips

 * 1) Opening Music - Jaws of Life by John Petrucci
 * 2) "Western Bacon Cheeseburger" "Filet o' (fish) sandwich" "Chicken McNuggets" and "Please don't, don't" - Drive-Thru by Tenacious D
 * 3) "Whats the hells" - Metalocalypse Season 4, Episode 2: Diversityklok
 * 4) Grunt: A Nightmare to Remember by Dream Theater
 * 5) "Meow" - Meow by Cyriak
 * 6) "Wake up" - Adventure Time Season 6, Episode 1: Wake Up
 * 7) Keyboard sounds - Constant Motion by Dream Theatre
 * 8) "Fuck yeah dude" - Party All Day by Steel Panther;
 * 9) "Urine" - Metalocalypse Season 3, Episode 3: Dethealth
 * 10) "Die" - Link: The Faces of Evil
 * 11) Scare Chord - Metalocalypse Season 3, Episode 2: Tributeklok
 * 12) Music during frozen house segment - Ice 2 Meet U! from Stinkoman 20X6
 * 13) "Get the fuck up" I'm on a Boat from Saturday Night Live Season 34, Episode 15: Bradley Cooper, TV on the Radio
 * 14) "God dammit" and "Fuck": SuperFuckers Episode 9: Scrimple's Delight (Catoon Hangover)
 * 15) "What", grunting "Blew (Blues)" "Fucking" and "Bullshit" - Rock Your Socks by Tenacious D
 * 16) "Shit" "My Ass" and "Tits" - Atomic Bomberman outtakes
 * 17) "I'm freezing" Metalocalypse Season 3, Episode 10: Doublebookedklok
 * 18) "Goddamnit" "Fuck" and "Oh no"- Beelzeboss (The Final Showdown) (soundtrack version) from Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny
 * 19) "Shit" and "You fucking dick" - Inward Singing by Tenacious D
 * 20) "It's cold" - Baby by Tenacious D
 * 21) "No" and "Gay (picnic, eh)" - Hotel Mario
 * 22) "I'm hungry" and "What" - Insane Twins!! (makemebad35)
 * 23) "Feel like a piece of shit" and "Fuck" - Colgate Toothpaste (Tourettes Guy)
 * 24) "You look like" - Dreamgirl by The Lonely Island
 * 25) "You have AIDS" - You have AIDS from Family Guy Season 4, Episode 5: The Cleveland–Loretta Quagmire
 * 26) "Don't be stupid" and "Donkey anus" SuperFuckers Episode 6: The Greatest Story Ever Told (Cartoon Hangover)
 * 27) "AIDS" - Everyone has AIDS from Team America: World Police
 * 28) "Sex rash" - Sex Rash from Eagleheart Season 2, Episode 7: Beat Shack
 * 29) "Okay" and "Buttcheeks" Kielbasa by Tenacious D
 * 30) "Syphyllis" "Herpes" "Chlamydia" - Suck My Big Black Ass, Charlie Brown (mostoffensivevideo)
 * 31) "Dog semen" - You Won't Believe How Much Shamwow is a Scamnow (Dr. Dubs)
 * 32) Muffled yell - South Park Season 1, Episode 6: Death
 * 33) Grunt - Metalocalypse Season 3, Episode 9: Dethzazz
 * 34) "Well, there you go" - Metalocalypse Season 2, Episode 2: Dethlessons
 * 35) "STD'S" - How Can i Be a Hero (Doomstar Requiem Soundtrack)
 * 36) "Anal sex" - The Future by Teddy Thompson (Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man)
 * 37) Fart - Blazing Saddles
 * 38) "Did you just crap your pants" and "Hello" SuperFuckers, episode 11: Sweet Baby Jesus (Cartoon Hangover)
 * 39) "Pantaloons": - SuperFuckersEpisode 2: Shitstorm, Motherfuckers! (Cartoon Hangover)
 * 40) "Shut the fuck up" - The Simpsons deleted scene (would have been in Season 12, Episode 2: A Tale of Two Springfields)
 * 41) Moan and "Your cock" - Hard Fucking by Tenacious D
 * 42) "Yo bitch" and "Sandy" - Ripped Pants dub (greenday12688)
 * 43) Babbling - A Charlie Brown Kwanzaa (mostoffensivevideo)
 * 44) "What the fuck is going on?" - Metalocalypse Season 4, Episode 11: Breakupklok
 * 45) "Bag of crack" - Benjamin Franklin vs. Billy Mays by Epic Rap Battles Of History
 * 46) "He's got" Big Balls by AC/DC
 * 47) "No fucking way" and "We've got it" - City Hall by Tenacious D
 * 48) "Baked Potato" - Jesus Ranch from Tenacious D Episode 6: Road Gig
 * 49) "Fuck" - Sex With Me and KG by Tenacious D
 * 50) "You son of a bitch" and "Get the fuck outside" - Some Guy Yells at Cats (Gorilla Mask)
 * 51) "Go fuck yourself!" - Metalocalypse Season 4, Episode 4: Motherklok
 * 52) "Take all day" - Fuck Yourself by Steve Vai
 * 53) "Shooting hot sperm" and "Dick" - Death to All but Metal by Steel Panther
 * 54) "That's gross" - The Internet is for Porn from Avenue Q
 * 55) "Oh my god" - Low Hangin' Fruit by Tenacious D
 * 56) "I'm out of here" Show Me Your Genitals by Jon Lajoie
 * 57) "Allah hu akbar" - Family Guy Season 8, Episode 6: Quagmire's Baby
 * 58) Yell - Super Mario World Episode 13: Mama Luigi
 * 59) "Fuck me" "Oh my god shut your fucking mouth Nobody cares" and "Oh dear god it got in my mouth!" - PARTY.MOV (HotDiggedyDemon)
 * 60) "Like shit" "Trick or treat" and "Nasty" - Beware the Easter Nigga, Charlie Brown!
 * 61) "Shitting" - Billy Mays Bloopers
 * 62) "Ringtone ringtone ringtone" - Ringtone by Weird Al Yankovic
 * 63) "Dick" (stick) - Chocolate Salty Balls (Chef Aid: The South Park Album)
 * 64) "Dick" - Metalocalypse Season 3, Episode 6: Motherklok
 * 65) "Ass" - Fuck a Dog by Blink-182
 * 66) "Pussy" - Colt 45 by Afroman
 * 67) "Shut the fuck up" - Deadwood Season 2, Episode 12: Boy the Earth Talks To
 * 68) "Damn" and "Having sex with" - Double Team by Tenacious D
 * 69) "There she is" - 39 by Tenacious D
 * 70) "What's happening" Flutes and Trombones by Tenacious D
 * 71) "What" and "Oh no, it's too horrible" - SuperFuckers Episode 1: Sweet Mystery (Cartoon Hangover)
 * 72) "Whore" - Whore! Where are you?! by Adam Sandler
 * 73) "Pedophile" - I'm So Pedophile by Onision
 * 74) "Touched penises with" and "Cock" - South Park Season 11, Episode 8: Le Petit Tourette
 * 75) "Nigger loving jew boy" - Mississippi Burning
 * 76) "Nasty" - Kirby: Right Back at Ya! Season 1, Episode 11: The Big Taste Test (English dub)
 * 77) "Fucked up" - Lincoln from The Whitest Kids U' Know Season 1, Episode 1
 * 78) "Pull out all your pubic hair" - Karate by Tenacious D
 * 79) "Fucked up" and "Fuck" How to Cook Shit with Mervin (Fur TV)
 * 80) "Gay" - I Am Gay by Holland Boys
 * 81) "Cock" - Show Me Your Genitals 2: E=MC Vagina by Jon Lajoie
 * 82) "Big Black" - Nigger Fucker by David Allan Coe
 * 83) "Cock and balls" - Do It for Your Mama by Adam Sandler
 * 84) "Donkey dick" - Xbox Live conversation recorded by DaCaveManEngi
 * 85) "Asscrack" - Fuck Off by Insane Clown Posse
 * 86) Yell - The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack
 * 87) "Penis" - The Simpsons Movie
 * "No, no you don't" - Danny Phantom Season 1, Episode 7 Bitter Reunions
 * 1) "Whee" - Sailor Mouth Dub (24thPowerProductions)
 * 2) "Bitch" - Penn & Teller: Bullshit! Season 4, Episode 8: Manners
 * 3) "My penis" - I Just Had Sex from Saturday Night Live Season 36, Episode 10: Jeff Bridges, Eminem and Lil Wayne
 * 4) "Fuck yeah, baby" - SuperFuckers Episode 8: Big Ambition (Cartoon Hangover)
 * 5) "Cock" - Classico from Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny
 * 6) "With my cock" - Kyle Quit the Band (demo tape version) by Tenacious D
 * 7) "Cocks, cunts and assholes" - Pointless Profanity Ep. 2 (Jon Lajoie)
 * 8) Yell - The Gay Ghost (makemebad35)
 * 9) "Since my last bowel movement" - WTF Collective 3 by Jon Lajoie
 * 10) "You're a fucking idiot."
 * 11) "Oh shit" - Drunk in the Bathroom (Tourettes Guy)
 * 12) "Holy fucking shit" and "You sons of bitches" - Extreme Makeover (Steve Moustache)
 * 13) "(G)rape - Grapist from The Whitest Kids U' Know Season 3, Episode 14
 * 14) "My anus is bleeding" - Rejected (Don Hertzfeldt)
 * 15) "Dildo" - Why the PS3 is better than the 360 and the WII (Chad Warden)
 * 16) "That hurts" - Gandalf from The Whitest Kids U' Know Season 3, Episode 4

Trivia
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