SuperIdiotMan00/ISMP Transcript

This article is a transcript of I Shit My Pants, SuperIdiotMan00's edit of SpongeBob SquarePants Season 1, Episode 2b: Ripped Pants.

Every edited part is in bold.

[Pan across Zanzibar] French Narrator: Ah, Zanzibar. A stinky whore to you and me. But to the inhabitants of Bikini Boner, a wonderful, stinky whore. [SpongeBob and Sandy sit enjoying the beach. SpongeBob sighs]

SpongeBob: What a great pussy. [runs off] Hey, Sandy! Check this shit out! [now covered in a mound of semen] I'm a dirty bitch! [Sandy laughs. SpongeBob forms semen around his head and nose to look like Squidward and imitates his voice] Hey Sandy, who am I? [Sandy still laughs. SpongeBob picks up a semen phone] Hello, SpongeBob. Could you suck a nigga dick or somethin? I'm trying to beat cockles. [Sandy continues laughing]

Sandy: SpongeDick! [a doorbell rings, SpongeBob walks in carrying semen pizza boxes and wearing a Krusty Krab semen hat]

SpongeBob: Did anyone order twenty period and skeet skeet skeet pizzas? [he and Sandy laugh together. Larry walks up]

Larry the Lobster: Hey, whore. Hey, faggot.

Sandy: Hey, big nigga.

Larry: You guys wanna go suck a panda bear's spermy nutsack?

Sandy: Yeah. [she and Larry walk off] Well, come on, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob's semen pizzas and hat fall flat as he walks on dejectedly]

SpongeBob: [disappointingly] Cumming really hard. [cut to a group of sex addicts, each grunting as they suck semen-stained testicles from panda bears. Larry turns to Sandy]

Larry: Give it a venereal disease, Sandy. [Sandy stands in front of a panda bear with semen-stained testicles. She picks it up and sucks the testicles, grunting as she does so. The crowd cheers for her, and she throws the panda bear down]

SpongeBob: Good job, Sandy. Well, gotta go jack off. [tries to walk off]

Larry: How about a little more sexual intercourse? [bends down to pick up a panda bear heavier than Sandy's. Larry grunts as he picks it up and sucks the panda bear's semen stained testicles, his eyes bulging, and veins stick out from his neck. The crowd cheers, and Larry throws the panda bear down]

SpongeBob: All right, stand back, everyone. [picks up a baby panda bear from the ground and sucks his testicles. The crowd is silent]

???: Wrong! [Spongebob sinks into the sand. Sandy walks to a legally-aged panda bear]

Sandy: Y'all watch this! [picks up the panda bear and sucks his semen-stained testicles. The crowd cheers for her, but stop when they realize Larry has sucked a 700 billion inch panda bear's semen-stained testicles] Way to go, porchmonkey! [SpongeBob burrows into the sand, and tunnels over to Incidental 36 who is on his period and using tampons]

SpongeBob: Could I put two of em up yer ass?

Incidental 36: Mm-hmm. [crams another tampon into his vagina.]

SpongeBob: [takes two tampons and places them in the baby panda bear's orifices] And now, with the addition of 2, count 'em, 2 ladies tampons. [masturbates until he ejaculates] '''Oh yeah! Slow down, I’m gonna spurt! (ejaculation noises) Sorry. Splooge! [takes hold of the baby panda bear, and is unable to suck his testicles. The crowd isn't moved]

???: I'll come over there and bitchslap you with my cock, motherfucker.

[He tries again. And again. After a huge effort, SpongeBob hears a fart.]

Crowd: Holy shit!

[He looks down and notices that he's pooped his pants. The crowd laughs at SpongeBob. SpongeBob scuttles off, embarrassed. Scooter walks over, laughing]

Scooter: [slaps SpongeBob on the back] '''You're a fuckin assbang, you fuckin shithead! Fuck you!'''

Sandy: Ain't he the funniest little cockmaster you ever saw? [SpongeBob grins widely which gave him an idea. Cut to Larry]

Larry: Anybody up for some jump out the window? [Spikes it into some fish out the window and the crowd cheers for him. SpongeBob looks at him in contempt. Larry is about do it to more fish, SpongeBob interferes]

SpongeBob: Gotcha, bitch! [SpongeBob tries to push fish out the window but is unable to] Incoming! [fails again]

???: I'm going to rape you! [SpongeBob bends down and poops his pants] Oops, I guess I shit my pants again! [the crowd laughs. Scooter walks in laughing again]

Scooter: [slaps SpongeBob on the back] The president was kidnapped by ninjas and you're just sittin' here with that boned lookin' at my titties, you fuck! [he continues to laugh. Cut to a wad of semen. Larry catches it and throws it to Sandy]

SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, shave off my pubes and punch me in the face!

Sandy: Okay, here it comes! [SpongeBob stands still and lets the semen hit him on the head, knocking him over]

SpongeBob: What the fuck? I could use a handjob! [laughs. Sandy walks over and helps him up]

Sandy: You okay, SpongeBalls?

SpongeBob: I guess so... [does a handstand, revealing his poop-stained pants] ...except I shit my pants! [the crowd laughs, and Scooter walks up to SpongeBob once again]

Scooter: '''You know what, mothafucka? Eat a dick, nigga'''! [slaps SpongeBob on the back again. Cut to SpongeBob and Sandy walking to a prostitute]

Incidental 39: May I fuck you?

SpongeBob: I'll take a blowjob.

Incidental 39: Uh, you shittin me?

SpongeBob: That's okay. I already shit my pants! Get it? [Sandy giggles]

Incidental 39: [annoyed] Tee-hee. Go fuck yourself.

SpongeBob: How about pussy out? [poops his pants, Sandy giggles again] No, already got one! Yeeeeeah! [Sandy drops laughing, Incidental 39 is unamused, and SpongeBob happily bounces off to a love shack. SpongeBob runs up to Incidental 40, knocking his lubrication over] Is that a dildo?

Incidental 40: Why, yes, it is.

SpongeBob: You know what would go good up yer ass?

Incidental 40: No, what?

SpongeBob: [whispers] Shit... pants. [smiles widely and shows the annoyed Incidental 40 his poop-stained pants. SpongeBob then runs around the love shack, laughing. He comes up in-between two fish] Shit pants a la mode! [poops his pants, the fish are annoyed. Cut to SpongeBob being in the kitchen of the love shack, next to the fry cook] Delivery! Did you order twenty cases of cleveland steamers? [shoves his behind through the box, revealing his poop-stained pants, then laughs and the box is revealed to have no lower part.]

Fry cook: [disgustedly] Fuck! [Cut to a broadcasting booth over looking the lagoon]

Sports guy: Dicks up in the Piss Lagoon. [fish are peeing. Close-up of Perch Perkins] And here comes Larry, doing his trademark my balls on fire. [cut to Larry lying as he pees] There goes Sandy, hanging ten... penises, that is. [cut to Sandy doing a handstand while peeing] There goes SpongeBob... [fart] urinating all over my tits. [The sports guy is annoyed, then cut to SpongeBob pooping his pants while peeing. A wave of pee knocks SpongeBob off and washes him up on the beach]

Incidental 155: Hey, look! A nigga chopped my balls off. [takes a closer look through his telescope] Holy shitballs! It's a latino man! [sprints over to SpongeBob and flips him over] Why?! Why?! WHY?! [a crowd gathers around SpongeBob and Incidental 155]

???: Because.

Sandy: My nigga!

SpongeBob: [to Incidental 155] Cum on my chest. [a divine light shines on him] I need... I need...

Incidental 155: What do you need? [tears come to Incidental 155's and Sandy's eyes]

SpongeBob: [pats Incidental 155 on the shoulder. Close up of SpongeBob's mouth] To fuck a fuckin pirate in the ass. [the light turns off, accompanied by a light switch] Because I shit my pants! [laughs. Incidental 155 makes an annoyed expression, drops SpongeBob, and the crowd surrounding him walks off with annoyance]

???: That shit sucks on balls more. What is my vagina? [SpongeBob is left alone and Sandy walks up to him angry]

Sandy: That wasn't funny, SpongeBob! Y'all had me squeezed on my nuts! [walks off as Scooter walks towards SpongeBob and looks at him sadly]

Scooter: [shakes his head] You gilded cunt... [walks off. Cut to a dressing tent, with SpongeBob inside]

SpongeBob: [thinking] Come on, faggot, you're my bitch! Think! Your public's horny. [speaking] Let's see... [checking them off a list] "Suck a dude's dick - big laugh," "Jizz in face - kills," "Piss coming from my ass - knocks 'em dead," "Suck a racehorse's cock with Heinz tomato ketchup," [uses his pencil to write the word "NO" and circle it] No. Come on, you gotta take a shit! I got AIDS! Hey, you dumb fuck! [runs out of the dressing tent] Not shit pants! [tears his pants off. The screen cuts to black as he poops all over the ground] Pants shit off. Huh? Someone call the police. There's a nigger on the loose! [the wind howls, SpongeBob standing alone on the beach. A tumbleweed rolls by. SpongeBob turns and hears party music at a distance, and sees Larry and Sandy having sex] Oh, no, everybody's gay, even Sandy. She'd rather hang out with men! Oh, no. [lies on the beach] Son of a fucking who’re cocksuck asshole fuck! We blew yer boner. [throws his pants aside]

Pants: Shut the fuck up! [the pants walk off, leaving SpongeBob alone]

SpongeBob: Oh, I didn't have to be a faggot to get Sandy's pussy. Am I the biggest rapist on the beach?! [Incidental 22 walks up to SpongeBob, shining red]

Incidental 22: No, I am. I forgot to put on condams. [places a fin on herself, and it leaves a sounding mark, which vanishes]

SpongeBob: Damn. [a fish walks up to the two]

Loser: No, I am. I got sand in my vagina. [shows them his sandy vagina. There is a rumbling coming from the sand and a whale pops his head out of the semen]

Frank: No, I'm the biggest spearchucker on the beach. They buried me in cum and fell in love with a baked potato.

All: What happened to you?

SpongeBob: I lost my best virginity.

All: How? [SpongeBob grabs a semen guitar and sings he is front of the semen castle and a semen telephone he built earlier]

SpongeBob: When I shit... [poops his underwear] my pants. [starts to sing] I thought that I had everybody by my dick, but I went and blew yer cock all sky-high, and now she won't even spare a fuckin blowjob, [The curtain comes down and a spotlight shines on Spongebob] all just because I [poops his underwear again] shit my pants. [the other three "losers of the beach" assemble on a semen stage with semen instruments and sing "Go Forth and Die" by Dethklok. A crowd begins to gather. The whole group comes together one by one in sync with the music and they poop their pants. By now, a huge crowd has gathered and is cheering the group onstage. A blimp flies by with "Show me them titties, bitch" on it. It's revealed that SpongeBob and his band were having a concert.]

Sandy: Buttcheeks!

SpongeBob: Tits! [she gets onstage and hugs SpongeBob. He returns the embrace]

Sandy: Your song is true. If y'all want to be my bitch, just slob on my knob. [Larry walks up]

Larry: [impressed with SpongeBob's singing during the big concert] SpongeBob, that was so fuckin sexy ass. [hands SpongeBob a pencil] Would you... stick it up my big ass?

SpongeBob: No. [SpongeBob bends down to stick the pencil in Larry's butt. His underwear then rips off completely after pooping on the ground, leaving SpongeBob "au naturel." Someone off-screen whistles. SpongeBob covers his crotch, grins, and blushes sheepishly] '''Holy moley! It must be my birthday!'''